Lia's Notes: I'm not jealous

Sometimes if I hear good news from my friends about their achievements. I don't know why, I feel really bad. 

I'm not jealous.  I just think again about myself, what I finished today? What I have achieved? Do I get my goals? It is really bad to ask that.  

I want to be angry with myself.  Why are you stupid? You don't have anything to do? You are just garbage. 

I talk negatively to myself. It hurt me. What I do for a long time, doesn't enough? 

I remind myself to never give up but you know, instead to cheer up myself, I just cry in silence. 

What can I do now? I feel fear. 

Oh Lord, can you help me to do my best? 

I am pessimistic.